This was my GO-TO GUIDE – with this list I didn’t even have to think of what Opener I should use, or what to say to get a girls number… For a limited time I’ve decided to share my own private Tinder opener cheat sheet so you can have the same success – for free! Above average brains, below average height, pretty average penis. Warehouse worker to pay the bills :)Looking to meet some new people and see what happens :)If you start a conversation with something along the lines of “you look like a f*cking giraffe c*nt”, chances are we won’t get along. On the topic of nude pics: I just want to remind everyone of a little movie called TITANIC… I’ve been having dreams about you and me…I’m 26 I live with my grandparents but that will hopefully change soon. I still ride on the back of shopping carts when I shop. Click Here to Download Your FREE Cheat-Sheet I’m all of like two feet tall. If you’re wondering why I’m so funny, it’s because I used to be fat. And I’ve already failed all my exams sooooo You can use me to get to my mom. I’m actually looking for the one girl that dislikes to laugh and hates good music. If I ever find myself face to face with a tider then I’m likely in trouble so drop the camera and GET HELP! You only get three great women in your life, my mom and grandma are two… I’ll sexually disappoint you but it’ll be a journey for both of us. I want to do adult things with you…*whispers* taxes*panting softly* pay the mortgage*moans* make sure we turned off all the lights, our electricity bill was 300 f*cking dollars this month Just doing this because my boyfriend did. a girl in 1912 has her naked body drawn in a sketchbook by a random dude that no one’s ever heard of, locks the drawing in a safe on a boat, the BOAT SINKS, and her nude picture STILL ends upon television 84 years later. Looking for someone to bring to family events so they’ll stop thinking something’s wrong with me I’m here to avoid friends on Facebook. I am a little freaky at times…but no one has stepped up to the plate to explore that side of me.
We get there to find out half-price doesn’t start until 9. Spitters are quitters Let’s have a who’s better in bed contest. Literally just want a shag, why else would I have tinder and my first picture be me in a bikini I’ve got fake tits and a fake personality. Don’t ask me to “send some pics.” Take me out on a date, buy me some food, and try to get me naked at the end like a f*cking gentleman.500 characters isn’t really enough to demonstrate my wit and intelligence so just look at my banging cleavage for now. I’m here because I’m too lazy to find my soulmate and my mom said that I’m getting old You look like my next mistake Leave a message after the beep. If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place. Everytime I look at my iphone U and I are always together This is the beginning of the sentence you just finished reading.(More bio examples on their way… ) So you can see that people can go pretty crazy with their taglines. Because when it comes to matches, your profile description (“About Me” section) isn’t really that important. For a girl to see it she needs to be interested enough by your main picture and then dig deeper – which is done by tapping the screen to see more about you.But who’s caring, because let’s be honest, you’re gonna swipe right coz I’m fit. At first when people found out they called me a freak, now they just call me, all the time. Gonna get tattoos of dogs on my arms and then get really buff so when I a fly cutie I can be like “excuse me, but do you know where a vet is? If you’re waiting for the opportune moment to talk to me… Some of them are pretty entertaining, but does a good bio actually achieve anything at the end of the day, is it going to get you a date or hookup? And then even if she does read your bio, unless there’s something oustanding (or underwhelming) in there, it’s generally your photos that will be the major influencer.Nah, it’s completely fair, and I’ll tell you why, alright? Dating black girls is really a plus because you don’t have to worry about meeting their fathers. I’m outdoorsy in the sense that I like to get drunk on patios. I just want a guy to buy me flowers, send me a million cute texts an call me mine, I’ll make you food so wife me up. Just be John Cusack outside my window with a boombox. After going out for four years you decide to propose. I think that’s all you need to know I’ll make you dessert, if you don’t like it, there is always me ;)The only reason I want a boyfriend is so that when I’m singing Fergilicious and it’s at the part where she says “I be up in the gym just workin on my fitness he’s my witness” I can point to him and he’ll do the little ” woo OOH” part because right now I have to do both parts by myself and it’s stressful because right after the woo OOH part I have to get right back into rapping and the transition is harder than you think Tessticles (haha that’s Tinder gold! Mirror selfies, rig shots and roid monkeys need not apply. I look like a kid, if you are into that kinda thing. A kiss makes my whole day, but anal makes my hole weak I’m grown up but not grown, grown. If I’m interested, I’ll place my underpants on the table. Return them washed, and we will consummate passionately. A plus if you wear my mom’s perfume and fit perfectly in the void she left.
I’ve learnt that men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny… Gag reflex as absent as my father figure I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him if he’s going to eat the rest of that pizza. Mainly because you love me but also because I believe in no sex before marriage and curiosity is killing you. Just to clarify I am single and I don’t need to chew when eating a banana. My nickname is Gillette because I’m the best a man can get. I hate playing head games unless they involve the mouth. Which means I know how to ride a di** but I’m still not sure how taxes work. I work at subway so I’m pretty much an expert on 6 inches and I make some damn good sandwiches.
I’ll have your friends hating me while I control every aspect of your life. NYC editor who gets drunk and takes pictures a lot. If you can eat more Mc Donald’s cheeseburgers than me then I’ll suck your d*ck I have a pretty great rack Half-Filipino, Half-German, Physics major. If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best. Tinder, because the girls on Grindr were too hairy. In my free time I like to take my shirt off and take selfies. It’s like sex in space with meteors and satellites dancing past us as time stands still.